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CHILLIES USED IN OUR JERKY
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REVIEWS
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"Many people enquire about my chilli heat tolerance, as they see the insane challenges that Michael Harrison does, and see the extreme heat he applies to all his meals. Regularly I tell ppl I don't have a high tolerance, I can definitely handle heat, but nowhere near Michael. Ppl often say I should jump in on some more challenges with Michael.. well I made a monstrous mistake last night...big, HUGE.. This is why I won't be joining Michael in hotter challenges!! On another note, Budgies Jerky is amazing, give them a go, just pick the right heat"
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"But seriously, I never liked jerky, hated it in fact, so Michael knew he never had to share.. UNTIL you handed me that satay bag.. it was like the angels sang when I opened that bag.. I didn't even share any.. was delish.. now I'm sold, as you know from all my large orders! I have tried one other brand at the shops, I had one bite it sucked and reminded me why I never ate it. It's absolutely delish, jam packed with flavour, power punched. Budgies Jerky is the only dried out meat going into my mouth on the regular!!"
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"Good tender meat, fun variety of spice and flavour mixes (Blueberry BBQ XH is especially amazing, that's why it won prizes ofcourse), got some awesome pepper heat - if you want it. Don't rub your finger in your eye after eating or don't go near a toilet. Or do, everyone has their own fetishes, I guess! Delicious!"
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BURN SESSION
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"there's jerky, then there's budgies jerky...from mild to ass burner,flavoursome to mouth numbing... whatever direction you go, you won't be disappointed..."
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"For once the Chilli Demons were nice to me.. another pot luck, random selection.. and I got one that isn't trying to exit my body like flash flooding with pure acid.. BTW I did do another random selection between my first one and now.. and it didn't end well either.. it was a Reaper, Honey Soy one... I kept trying to eat bits of it for a week before conceding (much quicker then Trump did) and giving it to Michael Harrison who ate it like a lolly Today my random selection is Teriyaki... mmmmm mmmmm mmmm delicious.. juicy, great texture, very moreish. It's perfect.. I can't see this packet lasting long.. finally one that is loving me as much as I am loving it.."
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Ok .. I just made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I was in the dark and reached for some Budgies Jerky .. ripped it open .. grabbed 2 big juicy pieces of heaven n placed it in my mouth. Well fuq me .. my tastebuds friggin vacated my mouth instantly, my tongue recoiled from its position n exited my backside .. n my mouth filled with what felt like a shit tonne of pure acid. OMFG .. I chewed quickly and tried mind over matter .. well suff that shit, it didn't work!!! My mouth filled will saliva at a rate of a busted fire hydrant .. I jumped off my bed .. kept chewing .. its rolling down my throat with saliva .. my oesophagus just called me a mega bitch and it instantly hit my stomach. Now I have a mouth burning like lava and a volcano continuing to erupt and heat building .. saliva pouring out of mouth and now my nose wants in and its pouring out of there too .. My oesophagus can't escape and is screaming like a banshee .. my stomach is instantly cramping .. I am leaking like a hose over the porcelain bus .. ripping through the ever so important throne paper .. wippng my mouth n nose .. thinking that's gotta be it. But No .. NO0000000 .. it keeps pouring out ..
I need freaking ice and lots of it .. im alone upstairs .. I can't move due to the mess of saliva pouring from my mouth and nose .. I get to a sink and try to guzzle water .. it makes it worse .. I am in pain .. I put my hand under running water .. yeah my insides are burning to ash .. running water over my hand, that will ease my pain ... it doesn't! What was i thinking! I question my life choices at this point .. I finally get enough to yell out to my child .. between breaths n near death .. get me ice quickly .. She then proceeds to alert the suburb that mummy's hurt herself ... quickly get ice and help .. They find me in the bathroom hunched over the sink .. dry reaching, saliva river running .. basically a mess .. leg is shaking to try and ease the pain .. pants pulled down away from any pressure on my tummy .. dying ... Michael Harrison is worried .. wtf did you eat .. Me some chilli stuff .. I don't think it was meant for me .. Michael .. what tho .. what did you fk'n eat ... Me .. some Budgies Jerky .. Michael .. what one????? I couldn't talk .. im downing ice like no tomorrow and milk .. and I tell him its on the bed .. he grabs it ..
I couldn't talk .. im downing ice like no tomorrow and milk .. and I tell him its on the bed .. he grabs it .. Me .. It's not the one I thought it was .. it was the Triple Threat mega hot .. OMFG what have you done Michael says ... Me something really frigging stupid .. I didn't think it was a hot one .. I thought it was one of mine .. how bloody WRONG I was .. I made a very big mistake tonight .. big Big HUGE ... please never reach for Budgies Jerky in the dark .. I never will again ... Thats no 3 on the rating scale .. that's freaking 3,000 out of 10 ... bloody hell .. This one was meant for Michael .. clearly .. and I'm not that stupid normally .. I stay away from his chilli gear. I can confirm .. I am alive .. barely .. but I'm here .. geezuz .. no matter what you imagined, you needed to see my for real to see how fk"d up I was .."
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